Once again I try this blogging thing.

Tonight my thoughts are filled with regrets of old times. Things that I've said, done, wished I'd done, or what have you. What really strikes me is how little anything in my life satisfies me. It's like living in a haze. I get up, I do PT, I go to work, or class, or whatever it is the Army tells me to do. Day in, day out, it's the same thing. I whittle away the time on whatever social pursuit I can find, or pass the time with videogames or internet mind-rotting. Nothing changes. Sure, it's a comfortable life, but comfortable is boring. I'm tired of being by myself. I want someone or something there to be with. If only I could have a cat, or a dog, or something. All I have is my roommate, and half the time, he's angsting over something I don't want to hear about, so we don't talk. What's keeping me from forming better relationships with the people I'm around? I keep on cutting them off at certain distances. I never seem to let anyone really know me, and then I think to myself, "Man, I wish I had someone who knew me." What's the point of being so counter-productive? Why do I do it? Ugh. I disgust myself.

Then there's my lovelife. When it's not totally nonexistent, it's so rocky or irritating that it's not worth having. I just don't need the extra stress. Yet, I want the companionship. Maybe it's the environment I'm in. None of the women here seem like they're interested in me at all. But when I go home, I get all kinds of female attention. What's making the difference?

This really isn't helping me much. Maybe tomorrow I'll be more.. upbeat.